he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
