My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
