Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
