The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm getting married
To pizza
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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