sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
