can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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