You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
