Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
