he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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