I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
