why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
