the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
