cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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