i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
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dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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