Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
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I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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