Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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