He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
