why im i the only drunk person in the library?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
