The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
