Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
