i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
