I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Pants are for mortals
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
