i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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