roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize