dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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