my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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