I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
