Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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