it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
