it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
