your parents love me but you hate me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
