Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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