I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
