Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
