i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Randomize
