About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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