ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize