So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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