I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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