I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
