I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
