Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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