So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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