I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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