I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
