Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
