I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
vagina is talking i cant
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
