Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
