My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
