Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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