Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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