this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
