watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.