$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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