she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.