So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
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I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.