I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
