I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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