I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
