My room smells like vodka and shame
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize