I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i dont even know how to be here
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
