eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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