Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
