dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
