I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
