Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
