Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Bring me that man meat
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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