Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
false alarm, still single
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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