True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
