I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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