Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
nutella sex= disaster
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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