I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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