I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
