Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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