I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
