no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
