The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
