Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sorry my hands just texted you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
