i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
