how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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