So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
