It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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